I'm thankful that I have a body in which I am happy, but more than anything, I am thankful that I have a body that I know is my own, and does not belong to anyone else. But it is SO, SO , SO easy to forget that. I often do forget that, so I am declaring; I am taking back my body.
There have been so many blogs, tweets, news articles and the like that are talking about body image, sex education, the church, rape culture, abortion rights, natural beauty and numerous other things and I just feel like shouting at the time of my lungs to every woman and girl to remember that her body belongs to her. Partially this is a reminder, because you owe it to yourself to embrace YOU. But is also partially an assignment to always remember this:
YOUR BODY BELONGS TO YOU. TAKE IT BACK.
I am taking back my body from the advertising that tells me what is or isn't beautiful, that my size dictates my worth (think H&M), or that I am more or less beautiful based on the coverings of my body. Don't get me wrong, I haven't always loved my body - but I've finally come to a point that I do love the skin I'm in, and I'm claiming it as my own. No thanks to advertising campaigns like the Victoria's Secret "Bright Young Things", or the Dove Campaign, or fashion magazines or mean high school girls, or the idiot A&F CEO, I'm taking back my body - curves and blemishes and all; I'm taking back my body that allows me to do my job, hug my family, run with my dog, smile for crazy photos with friends, and devour a delectable bajillion calorie meal with a heavenly glass of wine without worrying about my waste line EVERY TIME I CHEW. I've struggled with body image and weight issues nearly my entire life - at least since I hit double digits in age - but FYI - I'm taking back my body. It is MY BODY, and it is MY job and no one else to allow people in (for betterment and support), or to shut out people (or media, advertising, magazines or down-right crappy people) who do not allow me to own my own skin and LOVE IT.
My body belongs to me, and I'm taking it back.
I'm taking back my body from the religious sources that tell me I should be ashamed of my body, and what it is capable of. Elizabeth Smart didn't want to leave her CAPTOR because she felt ashamed of the ways her body was used. Not because she was afraid of a violent man, but because she was made to feel worthless because of her own body. Oh Lord... literally.... Lord! Lord, remind me that I am a woman. I have fingers, toes, breasts, curves, a vagina, a clitoris, legs (sometimes hairy!), lips, arms, nipples, hair, an ass (cellulite!) and so much more - THAT YOU GAVE ME. I was created in your image. I was created to bring forth life (and probably gain weight while doing it!), and created in such a way that I am allowed to enjoy that creative process we call sex. Dear Lord, please remind me of this every day.
My body was given to me by my Creator, and I'm taking it back from religious sources that want me to be ashamed. DON'T GET ME WRONG, there is still an imperative need to teach young people as they come into their own bodies about the implications of a sexual relationship; it is meaningful, important, often sacred, not something to treat lightly, not set apart from God, moreover it includes the Divine - but neither is it something to be ashamed of.
It is MY body - given to me by my Creator - and I am taking it back.
I am taking back my body from anyone who thinks that it is my fault if I become a victim of violation. The Steubenville rape case comes to mind for sure, but it has only highlighted the "rape culture" that permeates our society in which we seek to blame anything and everyone EXCEPT the violator for the cause of such atrocities. It is MY body and I am taking it back. I shouldn't have to live in a constant state of "protection," just in case someone wants to violate me. Violators are violators. It doesn't matter if my skin is showing, if I've had too many drinks, if I'm walking alone to my car in the middle of downtown, if I'm a minister, a stay at home mom or a stripper - ANOTHER PERSON should not violate me, nor have the right to feel like they can get away with it. Sure, most of us (regardless of profession) use certain techniques as a source of "protection" (carrying pepper spray, never leaving your drink unattended, parking under a light pole). However, I shouldn't have to live in a constant state of "do this so I don't get raped," or have to live in fear that IF something happened to me, I could be BLAMED and not protected by society or my government because I was violated. It's not just about dark alleys and drunken nights either - its the dangerous, dangerous assumption that silence means consent. It's quite the opposite. I haven't said yes just because I didn't say no - I say YES when I say YES - and that is it.
It is MY body - you have no right to it unless it is expressly granted - and I am taking it back.
There are so many more things that I could address. There are so many more blogs and tweets and news articles that have had me questioning what is my responsibility, how other's could say such awful things, where did I go wrong with my body, why I'm not allowed to feel sexy apart from the opinion of another person, and what steps I need to take to make sure I'm not blamed or ashamed. But the bottom line is this. It is MY body. I am taking it back.
I am taking it back from anyone who has ever made me feel less than because of how I look.
I am taking it back from highly processed food that does it no good.
I am taking it back from anyone who has ever made me feel uncomfortable for wearing a certain set of clothing.
I am taking it back from anyone who has considered silence consent.
I am taking it back from companies who value the bottom line far about human life.
I am taking it back from anything that gives me an excuse to not stay active.
I am taking it back from anyone who wants to tell me that God made a mistake.
I am taking it back from anyone who wants to tell me what beauty is.
I am taking it back from anyone who wants to sell me food that isn't food for a $$.
I am taking it back from anyone who determines my worth by the price tag on the clothes they sell.
I am taking it back from excuses I have given about health.
I am taking it back from anyone who I have not given consent to.
I am taking it back from large portion sizes that trick me into thinking I'm still hungry.
I am taking it back from anyone who believes a decision about my body is not MY decision.
I am taking it back from anyone who values my looks, my mind, or my accomplishments or anything else above the love I hope to offer.
I am taking back my body both as a way to say - it is not yours, it is mine - but also as a sense of responsibility and ownership. I have been gifted a vessel to live and enjoy life. I have been gifted a vessel to share love and create vitality. I have been gifted a vessel to make this world a better place. I am taking ownership of my body and responsibility for the way I care for it, and I will surround myself with people and communities that will help me do that in a healthy manner. So if I don't give you consent to touch, comment, value, define or decide for it - then leave it alone.
Friday, May 10, 2013
Monday, January 14, 2013
Advent and Tattoos - I swear they go together
Well I've made a big decision, a big change in my life - and it wasn't just the tattoo. (See below - unless you're my mom, then pretend you didn't see it.) :D
On January 10th the congregation of First Christian Church Baton Rouge was notified that I accepted another call to ministry at Overland Park Christian Church in Overland Park, Kansas. My last Sunday in Baton Rouge will be February 24th. I will begin ministering with the people of Overland Park Christian Church on March 18th.
We've just finished Advent: a time of waiting, a time of pregnant anticipation and a time of excited anxiety, not knowing what could lie ahead. But we so often forget this anticipation and it is hard to recapture, because as devoted Christians, we know what lies at the end of that Advent tunnel: the birth of Christ. Each year in Advent we hope to capture some of that same excited anticipation, but so often we get sucked into the run around of a busy holiday season that we forget what that excited anxiety could mean.
This year I grasped a little bit more of that anticipated excitement, yet also nervous anxiety, as I made this decision.
I'll be honest - this was one of the hardest, if not the hardest decision I've ever made over these last couple of months. On some level I knew I was supposed to go to seminary, so while I didn't know what was ahead of me, I knew that was the right place for me with every ounce of my being, so the decision to go was a no-brainer. But when I left for seminary I wasn't leaving anything behind. I had just finished college and had the whole world ahead of me, no matter what direction I headed. The same can be said for my coming to Baton Rouge. All of us were graduating, getting ordained and starting new calls into ministry and so it was only natural that I would be making the decision for a new call, my first call into ministry, no matter how far away.
But when the idea of a new call to Overland Park came up, it was different. I have loved my life here. I have loved my congregation here. They have supported and loved me. I have loved the person I have become here. How do you leave that? So there were some tears, questions, chit chats with friends and family, a few glasses of wine, and some more tears. In the end though, after much thought, discernment and prayer, there was the confident decision to say yes to where God is calling me, "Here am I."
The Bible doesn't really say A LOT about Mary's life in between the Annunciation (Luke 1:26-38) and the Birth of Jesus (Luke 2). She gets way more press than most women in the Bible, and we have her Song of Praise, the Magnificat, in Luke 1:46-55, but I feel like if she really is a fully human woman, there were a lot more emotions than the Bible lets on. There's the knowing awareness that with God all things are possible, and the desire to listen to God's call to wherever God is leading you, (even if it seems crazy or not in line with your own "plan"), but there's also the anxiety about leaving comfort and a way of life you've known. I feel confident that if Mary really is the woman we believe her to be, then somewhere in between Luke 1:37 when the Angel finishes telling her why she should believe him, and Luke 1:38 when she eventually says, "Here am I, the servant of the Lord; let it be with me according to your word," there were a few tears, a lot of questions, chit chats with her friends and family, a glass of wine or two, and some more tears. It only seems fitting before she would confidently say, "Here am I."
I am so thankful for all the time I have had in Baton Rouge. I am even more thankful for the people and the experiences that have helped shape who I am, who I have become. However, I also know and trust that they have made me all the more ready to take this next step into ministry with a new congregation, in a new city, into the exciting unknown.
How does a tattoo fit into Advent? Well, maybe not with Advent, but it is there and part of this journey for me. I am a changed person because of the time I have spent in Southern Louisiana. The fleur-de-lis tattoo of dark and light that reminds me I am leaving this experience a changed person. Much like the four years I spent in Kappa, where I "stumbled up those back steps, only to walk confidently out the front door," I am confident in this next step because of these last 3 1/2 years in Baton Rouge. I can never take away these experiences in Baton Rouge, and for that I am thankful. I'm thankful they are permanently a part of who I am. I am leaving Baton Rouge changed, for the better, for good, confident and looking forward to the ways that God will use me in this next step.
On January 10th the congregation of First Christian Church Baton Rouge was notified that I accepted another call to ministry at Overland Park Christian Church in Overland Park, Kansas. My last Sunday in Baton Rouge will be February 24th. I will begin ministering with the people of Overland Park Christian Church on March 18th.
We've just finished Advent: a time of waiting, a time of pregnant anticipation and a time of excited anxiety, not knowing what could lie ahead. But we so often forget this anticipation and it is hard to recapture, because as devoted Christians, we know what lies at the end of that Advent tunnel: the birth of Christ. Each year in Advent we hope to capture some of that same excited anticipation, but so often we get sucked into the run around of a busy holiday season that we forget what that excited anxiety could mean.
This year I grasped a little bit more of that anticipated excitement, yet also nervous anxiety, as I made this decision.
I'll be honest - this was one of the hardest, if not the hardest decision I've ever made over these last couple of months. On some level I knew I was supposed to go to seminary, so while I didn't know what was ahead of me, I knew that was the right place for me with every ounce of my being, so the decision to go was a no-brainer. But when I left for seminary I wasn't leaving anything behind. I had just finished college and had the whole world ahead of me, no matter what direction I headed. The same can be said for my coming to Baton Rouge. All of us were graduating, getting ordained and starting new calls into ministry and so it was only natural that I would be making the decision for a new call, my first call into ministry, no matter how far away.
But when the idea of a new call to Overland Park came up, it was different. I have loved my life here. I have loved my congregation here. They have supported and loved me. I have loved the person I have become here. How do you leave that? So there were some tears, questions, chit chats with friends and family, a few glasses of wine, and some more tears. In the end though, after much thought, discernment and prayer, there was the confident decision to say yes to where God is calling me, "Here am I."
The Bible doesn't really say A LOT about Mary's life in between the Annunciation (Luke 1:26-38) and the Birth of Jesus (Luke 2). She gets way more press than most women in the Bible, and we have her Song of Praise, the Magnificat, in Luke 1:46-55, but I feel like if she really is a fully human woman, there were a lot more emotions than the Bible lets on. There's the knowing awareness that with God all things are possible, and the desire to listen to God's call to wherever God is leading you, (even if it seems crazy or not in line with your own "plan"), but there's also the anxiety about leaving comfort and a way of life you've known. I feel confident that if Mary really is the woman we believe her to be, then somewhere in between Luke 1:37 when the Angel finishes telling her why she should believe him, and Luke 1:38 when she eventually says, "Here am I, the servant of the Lord; let it be with me according to your word," there were a few tears, a lot of questions, chit chats with her friends and family, a glass of wine or two, and some more tears. It only seems fitting before she would confidently say, "Here am I."
I am so thankful for all the time I have had in Baton Rouge. I am even more thankful for the people and the experiences that have helped shape who I am, who I have become. However, I also know and trust that they have made me all the more ready to take this next step into ministry with a new congregation, in a new city, into the exciting unknown.
How does a tattoo fit into Advent? Well, maybe not with Advent, but it is there and part of this journey for me. I am a changed person because of the time I have spent in Southern Louisiana. The fleur-de-lis tattoo of dark and light that reminds me I am leaving this experience a changed person. Much like the four years I spent in Kappa, where I "stumbled up those back steps, only to walk confidently out the front door," I am confident in this next step because of these last 3 1/2 years in Baton Rouge. I can never take away these experiences in Baton Rouge, and for that I am thankful. I'm thankful they are permanently a part of who I am. I am leaving Baton Rouge changed, for the better, for good, confident and looking forward to the ways that God will use me in this next step.
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
A timeless story...
After a long hectic day on Sunday I sat in my office, somewhat unable to move, as the week and weekend's events had finally caught up with me. The busyness of Advent and Christmas in a church loom over it all, my sister had surgery last week, holiday travels, unexpected (but welcomed) visitors stopped by, my senior minister was in the hospital, Children's Christmas plays, power outages at church... Sunday night was the first time I finally had a chance to begin to process Friday's events in Newtown, CT.
While speaking with two of my young adults in my office I mentioned that while of course this tragedy at Sandy Hook is awful and I'm still trying to wrap my head around it, I'm not all that surprised, and that is what bothers me the most. I still can't fathom the grief and despair, or the overwhelming loss, but I'm bothered most by the fact that this doesn't seem surprising.
The earliest attack or form of real violence that I can remember was Waco, TX in 1993. Then there was the OK City bombing in 1995. Then there was Jonesboro, Columbine, September 11th; then shoe bombs on planes, more school shootings that never made the news because there was only one or two people killed, the unabomber and of course the Westboro Baptist Church continues to be violent and deadly in their own awful way. Life has been characterized by deaths of soldiers and police officers, Virginia Tech, the Amish school shooting in Pennsylvania, Gabrielle Giffords in Arizona, the movie theater in Colorado, the Sikh temple in Wisconsin, and now Sandy Hook Elementary.
Anyone that is near my age and younger... we are exhausted, and if you're like me, at a loss for words because you've already said the same type of things to yourself over and over and over again. "Never again," "When will it end?" and "Something has to change." These words are being said closer and closer to one another as yet one more story tears across headlines, Twitter feeds and cell phones.
I have had a more than privileged and blessed life, but it is also an awful life. I have ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS known violence, hatred and death as part of my life, even if not directly, and it doesn't appear as if it will change any time soon. I am not alone in this.
We blame mental healthcare access, gun control, drugs, international security, "big brother," and that one political party. Then we blame foreign countries, various forms of religion, the institution of marriage, violent movies and video games, the military, the media and of course that other political party.
We're fearful to fly, fearful of vehicles parked in certain places, and fearful of churches, temples and synagogues. We've stopped living our lives because we are afraid to go to the movie theater, afraid to send our children to school and fearful of nearly everyone that does not think or look like our own family.
But we are not meant to live lives full of fear, or dread, or violence, or hatred, or death.
Humanity sucks. We do. We're awful to one another on so many levels. We suck. And we've sucked for a REALLY REALLY LONG TIME, and chances are we're going to continue sucking. But there are also so many moments of great hope, when we can be amazing toward one another. These "26 moments that restore our faith in humanity" are proof that our lives are not about fear, dread, hatred and death, rather of hope. (And these are just the 26 that social media could capture.) There is so much darkness in our world, but there is also SO, SO, SO much light... and "the light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not overcome it."
The Christmas story is a timeless story because it tells us of life and hope in the darkest of places. Instead of focusing on why the government couldn't provide enough "room in the inn," or what political ploy drove the census, we focus on the coming Light into the world. Instead of arguing about the nationality of the shepherds and/or the Magi and whether they are "legal" or "illegal" and allowed to cross certain borders, we focus on the Good News that came to all people. Instead of focusing on a poor, unwed mother and questioning her sexual exploits and whether or not she had proper access to contraceptives we focus on the Incarnation that came to us in the form of a helpless, vulnerable baby boy, so that we would know we are never without God's presence.
Sandy Hook's story cannot be about gun control. Sandy Hook's story cannot only be about healthcare. Sandy Hook's story cannot continue to be the politicized conversation that drives a wedge in between all of us. The victims of Sandy Hook will be lost among this conversation if we continue to tell this story of hatred, fear, misunderstanding and dread.
Instead, Sandy Hook's story needs to be about the lives of those lost, and the hope that their short-lived lives provide to us. Instead, Sandy Hook's story needs to focus on the ways communities come together to support those who are grieving an unthinkable loss. Instead, Sandy Hook's story needs to be about the ways that God-in-us grieves together in support with those who cannot fathom this loss. Instead, Sandy Hook's story needs to focus on how God-with-us, the very best of humanity overcomes the very worst of humanity.
I know the conversations around gun control, access to better mental healthcare, religion in public schools and many other political issues will continue - and they should on some level.
But the timeless story we tell of this generation cannot continue to focus on the fear, dread, violence, hatred, or death of all those stories mentioned above. We must find a new way to tell this story of our generation, and particularly of Sandy Hook. We must find a different way to tell the story of this generation that does not center around the violence and hatred of all those stories above. We must find a way to share this story that focuses on the hope, and the love, and the faith that comes when it seems like those things are lost and impossible to find. The timelessness of this story must be on how the very best of our actions overcomes the very worst, of how the light does not allow the darkness to overcome it.
Hope and faith in times like this may be called naive. But when little else gives light and life in so much darkness, stories of hope and faith are the strongest responses we can have. So tell those stories of hope and faith, from Sandy Hook and elsewhere. Because THOSE are the stories that will provide light in a generation of much darkness, and join our story with that timeless story of hope and life. Much like the story we will celebrate in about a week, those stories of hope, and life and faith even in the darkest places are the stories that will change the world.
While speaking with two of my young adults in my office I mentioned that while of course this tragedy at Sandy Hook is awful and I'm still trying to wrap my head around it, I'm not all that surprised, and that is what bothers me the most. I still can't fathom the grief and despair, or the overwhelming loss, but I'm bothered most by the fact that this doesn't seem surprising.
The earliest attack or form of real violence that I can remember was Waco, TX in 1993. Then there was the OK City bombing in 1995. Then there was Jonesboro, Columbine, September 11th; then shoe bombs on planes, more school shootings that never made the news because there was only one or two people killed, the unabomber and of course the Westboro Baptist Church continues to be violent and deadly in their own awful way. Life has been characterized by deaths of soldiers and police officers, Virginia Tech, the Amish school shooting in Pennsylvania, Gabrielle Giffords in Arizona, the movie theater in Colorado, the Sikh temple in Wisconsin, and now Sandy Hook Elementary.
Anyone that is near my age and younger... we are exhausted, and if you're like me, at a loss for words because you've already said the same type of things to yourself over and over and over again. "Never again," "When will it end?" and "Something has to change." These words are being said closer and closer to one another as yet one more story tears across headlines, Twitter feeds and cell phones.
I have had a more than privileged and blessed life, but it is also an awful life. I have ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS known violence, hatred and death as part of my life, even if not directly, and it doesn't appear as if it will change any time soon. I am not alone in this.
We blame mental healthcare access, gun control, drugs, international security, "big brother," and that one political party. Then we blame foreign countries, various forms of religion, the institution of marriage, violent movies and video games, the military, the media and of course that other political party.
We're fearful to fly, fearful of vehicles parked in certain places, and fearful of churches, temples and synagogues. We've stopped living our lives because we are afraid to go to the movie theater, afraid to send our children to school and fearful of nearly everyone that does not think or look like our own family.
But we are not meant to live lives full of fear, or dread, or violence, or hatred, or death.
Humanity sucks. We do. We're awful to one another on so many levels. We suck. And we've sucked for a REALLY REALLY LONG TIME, and chances are we're going to continue sucking. But there are also so many moments of great hope, when we can be amazing toward one another. These "26 moments that restore our faith in humanity" are proof that our lives are not about fear, dread, hatred and death, rather of hope. (And these are just the 26 that social media could capture.) There is so much darkness in our world, but there is also SO, SO, SO much light... and "the light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not overcome it."
The Christmas story is a timeless story because it tells us of life and hope in the darkest of places. Instead of focusing on why the government couldn't provide enough "room in the inn," or what political ploy drove the census, we focus on the coming Light into the world. Instead of arguing about the nationality of the shepherds and/or the Magi and whether they are "legal" or "illegal" and allowed to cross certain borders, we focus on the Good News that came to all people. Instead of focusing on a poor, unwed mother and questioning her sexual exploits and whether or not she had proper access to contraceptives we focus on the Incarnation that came to us in the form of a helpless, vulnerable baby boy, so that we would know we are never without God's presence.
Sandy Hook's story cannot be about gun control. Sandy Hook's story cannot only be about healthcare. Sandy Hook's story cannot continue to be the politicized conversation that drives a wedge in between all of us. The victims of Sandy Hook will be lost among this conversation if we continue to tell this story of hatred, fear, misunderstanding and dread.
Instead, Sandy Hook's story needs to be about the lives of those lost, and the hope that their short-lived lives provide to us. Instead, Sandy Hook's story needs to focus on the ways communities come together to support those who are grieving an unthinkable loss. Instead, Sandy Hook's story needs to be about the ways that God-in-us grieves together in support with those who cannot fathom this loss. Instead, Sandy Hook's story needs to focus on how God-with-us, the very best of humanity overcomes the very worst of humanity.
I know the conversations around gun control, access to better mental healthcare, religion in public schools and many other political issues will continue - and they should on some level.
But the timeless story we tell of this generation cannot continue to focus on the fear, dread, violence, hatred, or death of all those stories mentioned above. We must find a new way to tell this story of our generation, and particularly of Sandy Hook. We must find a different way to tell the story of this generation that does not center around the violence and hatred of all those stories above. We must find a way to share this story that focuses on the hope, and the love, and the faith that comes when it seems like those things are lost and impossible to find. The timelessness of this story must be on how the very best of our actions overcomes the very worst, of how the light does not allow the darkness to overcome it.
Hope and faith in times like this may be called naive. But when little else gives light and life in so much darkness, stories of hope and faith are the strongest responses we can have. So tell those stories of hope and faith, from Sandy Hook and elsewhere. Because THOSE are the stories that will provide light in a generation of much darkness, and join our story with that timeless story of hope and life. Much like the story we will celebrate in about a week, those stories of hope, and life and faith even in the darkest places are the stories that will change the world.
Friday, October 26, 2012
Just... stop... talking.
Dear Politicians:
I am a 30 something year old woman who would like you to stop talking about my reproductive organs since you CLEARLY do not have a good understanding of anything about my body. Listening to YOUR understanding of my body, my reproductive organs, and the choices I make with them feels a little something like this.
While this video is adorable and I celebrate the creativity and understandings of a child - YOU are not a child. Neither are you a doctor, nor are you a theologian, nor are you a woman, and you just.... need....to....STOP.
I understand that many different professionals have to come together in order to make policy surrounding issues such as abortion, rape, birth control, medical care for my uterus, etc. but you can also make sure you understand this clearly, and focus on YOUR profession, leaving those other professionals to do their jobs. I have never been pregnant, I have never been in the situation of needing to make a decision about an abortion, nor have I ever been raped. But I am a woman, I am a theologian, and I am a minister. Those three things alone make me qualified to tell you to STOP TALKING AND LISTEN.
I am not advocating that you have agree with my personal decisions, nor compromise your own personal beliefs. However, leave the job of professionals up to those professionals. Use them as guides and help along the way but actually LISTEN to them as you work together, doing YOUR job, not the job of others.
If you listen to them, ministers, rabbis, imams and other religious leaders will tell you that theologians around the world have been pondering, discussing, arguing, and praying about why horrible things happen in our world for CENTURIES. So let that serve as a reminder, that you, on your soap box during an election year are NOT qualified to make definitive statements about why rape happens; nor are you qualified to speak about something that might happen as the result of that rape. Doctors will tell us the HOW things happen in an instance of horrific assault, theologians and ministers can help women and their loved ones grapple with the WHY. But you Mr. Politician, you can deal with the WHAT and that is your only job. What needs to happen now that this unspeakable sexual assault has happened? What needs to happen so that this woman feels like she should report it, because she trusts that all efforts will be made to bring her attacker to justice? What needs to happen so that this woman does not feel condemned to a life she did not choose? What needs to happen so that this woman can use her OWN personal, moral and religious convictions to work through this horrible experience? What needs to happen to remind this woman that she lives in a free country that seeks out her liberty and well-being?
I am a religious leader, and I am telling you that your religious convictions DO NOT matter to me, nor should they heavily influence your policy making discussions. I know they will some, but we live in a free country where your religions convictions should be as separate from your policy making as possible. Instead, your policy discussions should surround the question, "Does the United States government, the government of a free nation where its people are allowed to practice whatever version of religion they choose, or choose not to, have the right make decisions for women OR MEN who have been raped?"
Do not ponder why this happened, if the woman's skirt was too short, or if you think she was "asking for it." Do not ponder why this woman chose not to come forward right away, or why she still felt violated, assaulted and attacked even if it was someone she knew and trusted. Do not ponder why this woman only said STOP sixteen times instead of seventeen. Do not ponder why this woman's grief and fear have kept her from remembering every single detail of every single awful moment. Do not ponder why this woman conceived a child out of this horrific experience. JUST STOP.
Instead, ponder what the social services of our governments can do to support this woman, her loved ones, and possibly the child that comes out of this experience. Ponder what policies need to change so that they are SUPPORTIVE and not CONDEMNING. Ponder the ways that our government can give liberty and well-being back to someone who has been violated on the most intimate level possible. Ponder the ways that you can get as much information as possible from professionals in their various fields so that you can make INFORMED decisions.
Most of all - if you do not have these lady parts constantly in question and discussion - SIT BACK. Invite a WOMAN to your party of professionals and LISTEN to HER. Invite women who have experienced these horrific acts to come to share their stories, without fear, and LISTEN to them. Just stop talking. Start listening to those who are directly involved in these experiences. Stop talking and listen to the professionals that are qualified to do so. And then... after you have done all the listening you think you have to do. Listen some more. Then, and only then are you qualified to do your own job.
I am a 30 something year old woman who would like you to stop talking about my reproductive organs since you CLEARLY do not have a good understanding of anything about my body. Listening to YOUR understanding of my body, my reproductive organs, and the choices I make with them feels a little something like this.
While this video is adorable and I celebrate the creativity and understandings of a child - YOU are not a child. Neither are you a doctor, nor are you a theologian, nor are you a woman, and you just.... need....to....STOP.
I understand that many different professionals have to come together in order to make policy surrounding issues such as abortion, rape, birth control, medical care for my uterus, etc. but you can also make sure you understand this clearly, and focus on YOUR profession, leaving those other professionals to do their jobs. I have never been pregnant, I have never been in the situation of needing to make a decision about an abortion, nor have I ever been raped. But I am a woman, I am a theologian, and I am a minister. Those three things alone make me qualified to tell you to STOP TALKING AND LISTEN.
I am not advocating that you have agree with my personal decisions, nor compromise your own personal beliefs. However, leave the job of professionals up to those professionals. Use them as guides and help along the way but actually LISTEN to them as you work together, doing YOUR job, not the job of others.
If you listen to them, ministers, rabbis, imams and other religious leaders will tell you that theologians around the world have been pondering, discussing, arguing, and praying about why horrible things happen in our world for CENTURIES. So let that serve as a reminder, that you, on your soap box during an election year are NOT qualified to make definitive statements about why rape happens; nor are you qualified to speak about something that might happen as the result of that rape. Doctors will tell us the HOW things happen in an instance of horrific assault, theologians and ministers can help women and their loved ones grapple with the WHY. But you Mr. Politician, you can deal with the WHAT and that is your only job. What needs to happen now that this unspeakable sexual assault has happened? What needs to happen so that this woman feels like she should report it, because she trusts that all efforts will be made to bring her attacker to justice? What needs to happen so that this woman does not feel condemned to a life she did not choose? What needs to happen so that this woman can use her OWN personal, moral and religious convictions to work through this horrible experience? What needs to happen to remind this woman that she lives in a free country that seeks out her liberty and well-being?
I am a religious leader, and I am telling you that your religious convictions DO NOT matter to me, nor should they heavily influence your policy making discussions. I know they will some, but we live in a free country where your religions convictions should be as separate from your policy making as possible. Instead, your policy discussions should surround the question, "Does the United States government, the government of a free nation where its people are allowed to practice whatever version of religion they choose, or choose not to, have the right make decisions for women OR MEN who have been raped?"
Do not ponder why this happened, if the woman's skirt was too short, or if you think she was "asking for it." Do not ponder why this woman chose not to come forward right away, or why she still felt violated, assaulted and attacked even if it was someone she knew and trusted. Do not ponder why this woman only said STOP sixteen times instead of seventeen. Do not ponder why this woman's grief and fear have kept her from remembering every single detail of every single awful moment. Do not ponder why this woman conceived a child out of this horrific experience. JUST STOP.
Instead, ponder what the social services of our governments can do to support this woman, her loved ones, and possibly the child that comes out of this experience. Ponder what policies need to change so that they are SUPPORTIVE and not CONDEMNING. Ponder the ways that our government can give liberty and well-being back to someone who has been violated on the most intimate level possible. Ponder the ways that you can get as much information as possible from professionals in their various fields so that you can make INFORMED decisions.
Most of all - if you do not have these lady parts constantly in question and discussion - SIT BACK. Invite a WOMAN to your party of professionals and LISTEN to HER. Invite women who have experienced these horrific acts to come to share their stories, without fear, and LISTEN to them. Just stop talking. Start listening to those who are directly involved in these experiences. Stop talking and listen to the professionals that are qualified to do so. And then... after you have done all the listening you think you have to do. Listen some more. Then, and only then are you qualified to do your own job.
Wednesday, October 03, 2012
I'm a Minister Too!
No. No, you're not. You were licensed on the internet for $29.95 to perform wedding ceremonies (and sometimes only temporarily).
I feel like I'm a pretty good sport. I swear I've heard just about every comment under the sun when I tell people that I'm a minister, and I can smile and graciously respond to almost all of them. My parents taught me a lot about being gracious and how to act in public, so 99/99999% of the time I can handle anything or any comments people throw at me. Sometimes they straight up don't believe me. (One time they just turned around and walked away!) Sometimes they are intrigued and ask a few questions. Sometimes they are judgmental and ask LOTS of questions (basically trying to discredit my "claim"). Sometimes they ask really personal questions that are none of their business but most of the time they want to talk about THEMSELVES and how they have interacted with and/or experienced the church.
Most of the time they want to tell me about their church (yay _____ church - you're doing a good job!). The other response I get often is they want to tell me all the reasons they don't appreciate/follow/like organized religion. (Lawyers, I'm genuinely intrigued; do people start telling you how much they hate the law?) But like I said, I'm willing to listen. I know several people have been hurt by the church, and the deserve to have "the church," hear them out. Did they plan to share their hurt with "the church," while sitting at a lunch counter in the airport? Probably not, but I'll listen and "be the church," for them. It might not be THE one thing that brings them back to the church or organized religion - but they deserve to be heard.
Most recently on my way back from an AMAZING spiritual retreat with some of the most amazing ministers I know a conversation began with a man while we were waiting for our plane. We started talking about football because the Saints game was on, but after having to wait for our flight for quite some time, the conversation turned to a variety of other things, including what we do for a living.
He works for an electrical company selling to builders and other contractors, and oh yeah, after I told him that I am a minister he let me know that he is too. He got ordained on the internet.
To be fair, I recognize that not everyone that gets married is spiritual or religious and that people desire to have meaningful weddings without a religious component. In that regard, find a Justice of the Peace that is known for performing weddings, that can do it with feeling, respect, and integrity for the relationship that you are honoring. Find a way for someone you trust and respect to be licensed to perform weddings. Whether it is on the internet or through the County Clerks office - find a way to have an officiant that is licensed, not tied to a church and not a MINISTER - that's what you wanted, right? However, if you are not religious, do not have a religious background and do not want to get married by a minister - then DON'T. Please do not ask one of your friends to "get ordained" on the internet for $29.95 and call it "being a minister."
The church has had a LONG history of working with ministers within the church so that they can serve this Body of Christ even if it is not in the traditional way. The Christian Church (DOC), along with several other mainline protestant churches, is working to develop programs that will allow second career and bi-vocational ministers to still DO MINISTRY with their churches even in different contexts. Whether its through online M.Div. programs or through commissioned ministry in which you consistently have a a mentor to work with you, the church is working to help people interested in MINISTRY get to where they need to be.
That being said - those who have been "ordained" on the internet - I respect your right to be LICENSED to perform weddings. I respect the need for such individuals in light of many people not wanting religious ceremonies, nor connections to a certain religious body. However - stop calling yourselves ministers. You do not minister. You are licensed to perform weddings - and some may do it with great integrity and respect - but you are not ministers. Please leave this classification for those of us that choose this incredibly hard, but incredibly rewarding way of life - and those of us that regardless of our life circumstances make every effort we can to ACTUALLY be ministers.
I feel like I'm a pretty good sport. I swear I've heard just about every comment under the sun when I tell people that I'm a minister, and I can smile and graciously respond to almost all of them. My parents taught me a lot about being gracious and how to act in public, so 99/99999% of the time I can handle anything or any comments people throw at me. Sometimes they straight up don't believe me. (One time they just turned around and walked away!) Sometimes they are intrigued and ask a few questions. Sometimes they are judgmental and ask LOTS of questions (basically trying to discredit my "claim"). Sometimes they ask really personal questions that are none of their business but most of the time they want to talk about THEMSELVES and how they have interacted with and/or experienced the church.
Most of the time they want to tell me about their church (yay _____ church - you're doing a good job!). The other response I get often is they want to tell me all the reasons they don't appreciate/follow/like organized religion. (Lawyers, I'm genuinely intrigued; do people start telling you how much they hate the law?) But like I said, I'm willing to listen. I know several people have been hurt by the church, and the deserve to have "the church," hear them out. Did they plan to share their hurt with "the church," while sitting at a lunch counter in the airport? Probably not, but I'll listen and "be the church," for them. It might not be THE one thing that brings them back to the church or organized religion - but they deserve to be heard.
Most recently on my way back from an AMAZING spiritual retreat with some of the most amazing ministers I know a conversation began with a man while we were waiting for our plane. We started talking about football because the Saints game was on, but after having to wait for our flight for quite some time, the conversation turned to a variety of other things, including what we do for a living.
He works for an electrical company selling to builders and other contractors, and oh yeah, after I told him that I am a minister he let me know that he is too. He got ordained on the internet.
To be fair, I recognize that not everyone that gets married is spiritual or religious and that people desire to have meaningful weddings without a religious component. In that regard, find a Justice of the Peace that is known for performing weddings, that can do it with feeling, respect, and integrity for the relationship that you are honoring. Find a way for someone you trust and respect to be licensed to perform weddings. Whether it is on the internet or through the County Clerks office - find a way to have an officiant that is licensed, not tied to a church and not a MINISTER - that's what you wanted, right? However, if you are not religious, do not have a religious background and do not want to get married by a minister - then DON'T. Please do not ask one of your friends to "get ordained" on the internet for $29.95 and call it "being a minister."
The church has had a LONG history of working with ministers within the church so that they can serve this Body of Christ even if it is not in the traditional way. The Christian Church (DOC), along with several other mainline protestant churches, is working to develop programs that will allow second career and bi-vocational ministers to still DO MINISTRY with their churches even in different contexts. Whether its through online M.Div. programs or through commissioned ministry in which you consistently have a a mentor to work with you, the church is working to help people interested in MINISTRY get to where they need to be.
That being said - those who have been "ordained" on the internet - I respect your right to be LICENSED to perform weddings. I respect the need for such individuals in light of many people not wanting religious ceremonies, nor connections to a certain religious body. However - stop calling yourselves ministers. You do not minister. You are licensed to perform weddings - and some may do it with great integrity and respect - but you are not ministers. Please leave this classification for those of us that choose this incredibly hard, but incredibly rewarding way of life - and those of us that regardless of our life circumstances make every effort we can to ACTUALLY be ministers.
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
30 X 30 - State Ballet & Nutcracker
(Following a friend's example, in honor of my 30th birthday I have decided to post 30 things I have accomplished in my life in 30 years. So for the remaining 4 days leading up to my birthday watch for a new post each day celebrating these 30 things.)
I was secretly hoping for an embarrassing photo to accompany this post, but since many of my memories are in boxes back in Kansas City - I suppose that will have to wait.
In my 30 years I have danced many a dances. Choreographed or otherwise I have shaken my booty many a times, at many occasions and to many different types of music. However one of the neatest ways that I could dance was to dance for the State Ballet of Missouri and in The Nutcracker. from 3rd - 5th grade I was in over 60 performances with a professional dance company for all of Kansas City to see. Sure, it was loads of fun to get out of school for such a special event, but it was even more amazing to be a part of it.
The Nutcracker is one of the quintessential ballets in which to participate - and to do so at such a young age was exciting. I remember the ballerinas running around back stage, hurrying to perform, yet also taking the time to sign a ballet shoe or two for all those of us who looked up to them. I was technically under the direction of Todd Bolender (and remember meeting him) who worked with one of the most well know contemporary choreographers, George Balanchine, who helped to found the New York City Ballet.
It may seem small since I was only a child - but my brief time with the State Ballet of Missouri and the Nutcracker were certainly influential.
I was secretly hoping for an embarrassing photo to accompany this post, but since many of my memories are in boxes back in Kansas City - I suppose that will have to wait.
In my 30 years I have danced many a dances. Choreographed or otherwise I have shaken my booty many a times, at many occasions and to many different types of music. However one of the neatest ways that I could dance was to dance for the State Ballet of Missouri and in The Nutcracker. from 3rd - 5th grade I was in over 60 performances with a professional dance company for all of Kansas City to see. Sure, it was loads of fun to get out of school for such a special event, but it was even more amazing to be a part of it.
The Nutcracker is one of the quintessential ballets in which to participate - and to do so at such a young age was exciting. I remember the ballerinas running around back stage, hurrying to perform, yet also taking the time to sign a ballet shoe or two for all those of us who looked up to them. I was technically under the direction of Todd Bolender (and remember meeting him) who worked with one of the most well know contemporary choreographers, George Balanchine, who helped to found the New York City Ballet.
It may seem small since I was only a child - but my brief time with the State Ballet of Missouri and the Nutcracker were certainly influential.
Monday, May 21, 2012
30 X 30 - Travels of Paul
(Following a friend's example, in honor of my 30th birthday I have decided to post 30 things I have accomplished in my life in 30 years. So for the remaining 5 days leading up to my birthday watch for a new post each day celebrating these 30 things.)
Seminary was good to me... because in my 30 years I have visited 8 countries outside of the US and 4 of them came during my time in seminary. Poland had its own feel to it - a unique trip to say the least - and a little side trip to London to follow. However, one of my favorite times in seminary was certainly the "Travels of Paul," trip we took to Greece and Turkey in January 2007. The Bible can seem so abstract at times, almost surreal without an opportunity to visualize these people who are sharing their stories of faith and their experiences with the Divine. However, several of us from LTS had the opportunity to walk in the "footsteps of Paul," as we followed his path to visit several of the churches that began to spring up in the infancy of Christianity.
This trip was informative, shaping, downright fun and lucky for us - also counted as a credit for school! OK, so the reading and the paper helped with that. :) Either way - what an experience!
Seminary was good to me... because in my 30 years I have visited 8 countries outside of the US and 4 of them came during my time in seminary. Poland had its own feel to it - a unique trip to say the least - and a little side trip to London to follow. However, one of my favorite times in seminary was certainly the "Travels of Paul," trip we took to Greece and Turkey in January 2007. The Bible can seem so abstract at times, almost surreal without an opportunity to visualize these people who are sharing their stories of faith and their experiences with the Divine. However, several of us from LTS had the opportunity to walk in the "footsteps of Paul," as we followed his path to visit several of the churches that began to spring up in the infancy of Christianity.
This trip was informative, shaping, downright fun and lucky for us - also counted as a credit for school! OK, so the reading and the paper helped with that. :) Either way - what an experience!
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